nothing can be set in stone
a good few years ago i said i couldnt ever see my self goin back to blur...people around me said with winks and nudges "never say never, gra.." and i resented them saying it...but..it was a difficult time...and we were all hurt..i was one they were 3 and i felt ganged up on abit..i dont think they meant it to be that way...they were angry, i was angry...the anger was all centred around long deep friendships that were tested and tested by business, mega fatigue, too much time with each other, problems with the roles we played in the band, a lack of trust and communication, things unresolved.. etc...its VERY complicated...i know it seems simple to solve all this...a phone call, an arrangement to meet up, a chat, hugs tears and a date pencilled in at the studio...i foolishly thought it could be that simple too..but i was wrong, of course i was wrong and so was alex.
all 4 of us are kinda sick you must understand...we had around 12 years of really freakish behaviour, serious personnal relationship problems, alcohol addictions and drug problems.... you dont come thru that without damage, without deeep scars... its the scars that have to be healed and they cant be unless we are wiling to heal them ourselves...i feel i have done sooo much work on my own problems, stupidity, malfunctions, defects....as has alex and dave. i cant help thinkin that damon is still within a bit of a mad world that blur were in in 1997 0r 8...careering headlong into chaos...never resting, never pausing for thought..cus when you pause for thought the thoughts dont always like you..the thoughts tell you stuff you dont want to know or contemplate...i think damon needs to rest and evaluate. i love damon.. i want him safe.
the facts are like this really....theres no blur at the mo...damon probly aint interested in a blur thats not the full head count....so...i think it comes down to me trying again to contact him and talk to him...i tried before as i said and left messages...
i want to do this anyway for the sake of all the years we were so close...but it takes guts...i siked myself for days to call him last time and got answering machine..its a drag to get that after the siking the pondering over the mobile fone and the number and the pressing of the call button...i may have to sike all over agin...be patient... no one knows the future not even damon.